


Carry That Weight

by WinterSky101



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, POV Obi-Wan Kenobi, Post-Episode: s04e13 Escape From Kadavo, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Zygerria Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Slavery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 03:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30015354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: The mission to Zygerria leaves its scars on all of the members of the Team, both physically and mentally.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	Carry That Weight

When Obi-Wan was thirteen, he'd spent a few days enslaved in a mine, wearing a collar that would blow him to bits if he tried to escape. He'd waited for a rescue he could only hope would come, nearly blown himself up on purpose so Qui-Gon could escape, and then proceeded to have nightmares about it for months, not to mention how he'd panicked at the sensation of anything around his neck.

That experience paled in comparison to what happened on Kadavo.

Technically speaking, Obi-Wan probably should have been in a bacta tank. Between his beating on Kiros (which felt absolutely negligible now), the whipping on Zygerria (likewise), and the time he spent on Kadavo (the polar opposite of negligible, as much as Obi-Wan wished otherwise), it was a miracle Obi-Wan was still standing at all. But Obi-Wan hated bacta tanks, and the medic on duty was from the 104th, not the 501st or the 212th, so he was more lenient than either of their medics would be. He'd patched Obi-Wan up with bandages and a few bacta injections, given him some painkillers, and told him to get some rest.

Well, Obi-Wan thought as he sat in a corner of the mess hall, picking at his food, he wasn't working, at least, so that would have to be good enough for the moment. The medic had doubtlessly intended for him to get some sleep, but Obi-Wan didn't think _that_ was happening any time soon.

And, as he watched Ahsoka tentatively sidle into the mess hall, he doubted he was the only one who felt that way.

He watched her load up a tray with some food, then sent the gentlest wisp of the Force in her direction. It wasn't much, so discreet she probably wouldn't even notice that it had touched her at all, but it would get her attention. Sure enough, Ahsoka turned, and her eyes found Obi-Wan's in an instant.

There was a haunted look in Ahsoka's eyes, one that Obi-Wan knew intimately. He hoped he could help Ahsoka to lose it.

Ahsoka hesitated for a moment, then she headed over to the corner where Obi-Wan sat. "May I sit with you, Master Kenobi?"

"Of course, young one."

Ahsoka put her tray on the table and sat, keeping her eyes down. Like Obi-Wan, her neck bore the unmistakable marks of a shock collar. Like Obi-Wan, the burns there weren't bandaged. Otherwise, Ahsoka looked mostly physically unharmed, if a bit thinner than she'd been at the beginning of the mission. The contents of her tray solidified Obi-Wan's assumption; she had only taken food that was high in nutrients but easy on the stomach. Obi-Wan's tray held a similar fare. It was the best thing to eat if you hadn't had access to food in a while, and Obi-Wan felt a pang at the thought of the young Padawan needing to take such things into account.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" he asked gently.

Ahsoka stirred her oatmeal. "I'm alright. How are you feeling, Master? That place…" She shuddered.

"It was rather unpleasant, yes," Obi-Wan agreed. "But I imagine whatever you went through was as well."

"It wasn't that bad," Ahsoka said quickly. "They didn't hurt me much. That sleemo Prime Minister shocked me a couple of times, but they mostly left me alone."

"Ahsoka, no one will think any less of you if you're affected by what you went through," Obi-Wan told her gently. "I don't imagine any of us have come out of this unscathed."

"It was…" Ahsoka's eyes went distant for a moment, then refocused. "I was mostly just waiting, Master. It could have been worse."

"That doesn't mean it wasn't bad."

Ahsoka avoided Obi-Wan's gaze, stirring her oatmeal again. "I'm alright, Master, really."

"I won't force you to speak about this if you don't wish to," Obi-Wan told her. "But should you wish to talk, I will be here."

"But Master-" Ahsoka cut herself off, scowling. Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow, and she begrudgingly finished, "What you went through was worse. I don't want to burden you."

"Trauma such as this cannot be quantified. What you went through was awful, Ahsoka. That's enough. Should you wish to talk, I will be here. And I imagine there are others who would be as well, if you'd prefer to speak to someone else."

Ahsoka lifted a spoonful of oatmeal, then let it slip off the spoon and back into the bowl. Obi-Wan recognized a delaying tactic when he saw one and waited.

"They had me in this… cage," Ahsoka finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I was hanging from the top of the palace, and I knew it probably wouldn't fall, but sometimes it would sway and I'd think…" She swallowed hard. "They mostly left me alone up there. Except the Prime Minister, but he only visited a few times. I tried to meditate, but I could never really let go of my surroundings in the way we're supposed to. I always knew…"

"I'm so sorry, my dear."

"It wasn't your fault, Master," Ahsoka assured him quickly. "None of us knew what that mission would turn into."

"Even still. You should never have been there at all." It had been an awful idea from the beginning, to bring a Padawan to a slavers' planet, to have her pretend to be a slave herself. They should have called for help from a more experienced Jedi. They should have had someone else play the role of a slave. They shouldn't have put a child into that sort of situation.

Unfortunately, so long as Padawans remained with their Masters on the front lines, it wasn't unlikely that this sort of thing could happen again.

"I'm okay," Ahsoka said, sounding as if she were trying to convince herself as well as Obi-Wan. "Really. I'll heal, and then we can forget this mission ever happened."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Ahsoka-"

The mixture of feelings that suddenly passed down Obi-Wan and Anakin's old training bond was one he hadn't felt in a long time. Terror, disgust, anger, _helplessness_. It was a unique blend, and Obi-Wan knew what it meant.

"Master-" Ahsoka began, looking at Obi-Wan with wide eyes. She'd felt it too, then.

"Come with me," Obi-Wan said, and he stood and limped out of the mess, leaving his food almost untouched on the table. Ahsoka looked at him for a moment, and then she followed.

Anakin's room wasn't far from the mess, which was good, given that Obi-Wan wasn't sure how far he could walk. The feelings only strengthened the closer they got to their source, until Obi-Wan was nearly drowning in them. He could see Ahsoka's face grow more and more pinched as they neared the room, and he wished he could spare her the feelings. At least Anakin wasn't projecting as badly as he had a few times as a child. During some of his worst dreams, he'd managed to pull Obi-Wan into the dreamscape with him, trapping both of them until he finally woke. Obi-Wan had quickly focused on teaching him shielding, and it seemed to have done something, if not quite enough.

"Stay back," Obi-Wan told Ahsoka as they reached Anakin's door. "Anakin's reactions upon waking from nightmares are… varied."

"But Master, you're hurt, and-"

"I can handle it, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan told her, gently but firmly. Ahsoka swallowed hard and nodded.

The door opened silently. Obi-Wan stepped through, trying his best to ignore the almost physical presence of Anakin's nightmare. He stepped forward, walking slowly towards Anakin's bed. It was best to move slowly, he'd learned from years of experience; best to do whatever he could not to be perceived as a threat.

Of course, there were some nights when Anakin perceived everything as a threat, no matter what, and Obi-Wan had the feeling tonight was one of those.

"Anakin," he said, trying to hit a balance between gentle and commanding. "Wake up." Anakin tossed in his bed, his sweat-sleek face twisted in agony. Obi-Wan tried again. " _Anakin_. You need to wake up. You're dreaming."

There was no response once more. Obi-Wan would have to resort to another option, one he'd hoped to avoid but known he probably couldn't. He took a deep breath, then he reached forward and shook Anakin's shoulder.

The explosion of power was immediate. Obi-Wan would have been thrown across the room, except he was caught instead, caught by the throat and lifted in the air. And Anakin's form was sloppy, and he was all power and no finesse, and Obi-Wan probably could have broken through his hold, except it was around his _throat_. It was a weight at his neck, it sat heavy on his shoulder and collarbones, it grew tighter, and it wasn't a shock collar but it felt like it _could_ be one and Obi-Wan's heart pounded and pounded and pounded-

"Master! Master, let him go! It's Obi-Wan!"

The grip on his throat disappeared in an instant, and Obi-Wan barely caught himself as he dropped to the ground, gasping for air. The intense emotions faded, and as Obi-Wan looked up, he saw Anakin's face as he slowly realized what had happened. The guilt was immediate, and Obi-Wan pushed himself upright the best he could to attempt to stave it off.

"Ma-" Anakin cut himself off before he could finish the word and swallowed visibly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"I know, Anakin," Obi-Wan assured him, trying to summon up the gentle smile that felt harder and harder to reach for these days. "It's alright. You were having a nightmare."

"I hurt you," Anakin said, his voice trembling slightly. "I- I-"

"You were having a nightmare," Obi-Wan repeated. "Force knows I don't blame you. We've all been through more than enough to trigger them tonight."

"But I hurt you. You're already- And I-"

"You stopped before any harm was done," Obi-Wan assured him. "I think perhaps it may be best if none of us are alone tonight. What do you two think?"

"I don't want to be alone," Ahsoka agreed, hugging herself tightly.

"Anakin?"

"Probably a good idea," Anakin admitted. "I thought I might be able to get some sleep, but…"

"Did the Queen do anything to you?" Ahsoka blurted out, then she looked horrified and quickly added, "You don't have to answer that, I was just-"

"She didn't do that much," Anakin said. "She- She was playing mind games. She wanted me to initiate it myself, I think. She wanted me to agree to stay with her. And she told me that she'd let you go if I did." He looked at Obi-Wan and Ahsoka with anguish clear on his face. "She wouldn't have. I couldn't believe her. There's no reason to think she actually would have kept her word. She was a _slaver_ , she-"

"She wouldn't have let us go," Obi-Wan agreed. "And you trading yourself into slavery wouldn't have been an acceptable option anyway."

"We all got out, Master," Ahsoka began, but Anakin _flinched_ , and she abruptly stopped talking.

"Ah," Obi-Wan said quietly, remembering something else from Anakin's early days as his Padawan. "Ahsoka, I think Anakin may appreciate you referring to him as something else."

Ahsoka's eyes went wide. "Oh! I didn't even think- I'm sorry!"

"It's not your fault," Anakin told her. "I know it doesn't mean the same thing, but right now…"

"I understand," Ahsoka assured him. "I'll call you something different, Skyguy."

"And you needn't call me that either, Anakin," Obi-Wan added. "Neither do you, Ahsoka, if you'd rather not."

"I don't mind it," Ahsoka said. "No one made me call them… that. Well, the Prime Minister tried, but I don't think it was his main concern."

"The Queen didn't make me call her that either," Anakin said. "But when I was younger…"

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan shared a look. Anakin never spoke about his past as a slave, not if he could help it. Obi-Wan doubted he was going to volunteer much information now, but even the acknowledgment was unusual.

Of course, after what they'd all just gone through, it had suddenly become a rather pertinent topic.

"We weren't allowed to say much of anything on Kadavo," Obi-Wan said, hoping he wasn't blundering awfully. "Speaking while working was punishable by a shock, or a whipping, if the overseers were angry enough." He shuddered, remembering how the others around him had borne so many of the punishments that should have been his. He would never be able to apologize to the people of Kiros enough.

"Should we get Rex?" Ahsoka asked. "He was there with you, Ma-" She cut herself off, eyes flickering to Anakin. "Um. He was on Kadavo too. Do you think he'd want to talk with us now?"

"Rex has his brothers to talk to," Anakin says. "He's probably more comfortable with them than he would be with us, to be honest. But you can talk to him later. He'd probably appreciate it."

Obi-Wan had already apologized to Rex for the part he'd played in Rex's own punishments, but he couldn't help but feel it had been insufficient. For now, he thought leaving Rex alone to spend time with his brothers was the best thing he could do, but later, he'd have to come up with something else. Nothing could quite make it up to him, he didn't think, but that was no excuse not to try.

Ahsoka's stomach growled before she could say anything else, and she flushed. To Obi-Wan's relief, it seemed to cut some of the tension, as Anakin's lips twitched into something that was almost a smile.

"You hungry, Snips?"

"I didn't get to finish eating before," Ahsoka says, a bit petulantly. "Neither did Ma- I mean-"

"You can call him Master if you want," Anakin said, but the tension returned to his shoulders as he said it.

"Or you can refer to me by name," Obi-Wan offered. "I don't mind it."

"Well, whatever I'm calling you, you didn't finish your food," Ahsoka said. "I think we should go back and eat."

"That sounds like a good idea to me," Anakin agreed. "I'm kinda hungry myself. What about you, Obi-Wan?"

"I could eat," Obi-Wan agreed with a small smile. It felt easier than it had before. "Shall we return to the mess hall, then?"

"After you," Anakin said, opening the door with a flourish.

Of course, things weren't all _better_. Obi-Wan knew better than to think that. Anakin would probably continue to have nightmares for a while, and Ahsoka would likely join him. Obi-Wan himself would almost definitely have nightmares if he ever allowed himself to sleep. What they'd been through had been horrifying, and they'd carry the scars for a long time, if not forever.

But at least they didn't have to carry them alone.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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